Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
