New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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