I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
