I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
