I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
