i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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