well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
