her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
