I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
