I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
