Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i think my cat just said my name.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
