The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
