I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
