I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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