i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
