there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
