He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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