I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
