Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
