OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
