Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
