So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
