"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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