I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
