i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
