doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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