Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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