Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
