May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
