I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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