literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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