There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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