I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
