Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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