hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
