what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
