I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
