This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
