She went from zero to smokin in five shots
too bad you live with your parents still
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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