U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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