your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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