Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
