I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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