i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
