A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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