it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
