i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
