I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
