I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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