My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
