Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
