all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
